The Christmas To Do List (or how to stop worrying and love the bad stuff)

At this time of year there is a lot of advice as to how to behave, what not to do and so on. All this advice is usually commonsense, such as make sure you do not drink too much at the office party. Within all however the point of Christmas celebrations seems to have been missed. After all if we can’t enjoy ourselves then what is the point? Well…can’t we do something just a little bit naughty?? Here are some thoughts…..

1. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it.

2. Avoid carrot sticks. Whoever thought of this? What are they doing there? To make you feel that you should be eating something healthy? If you see carrot sticks my advice is to cover them in tomato sauce. Spare everyone the bother. Eat the sausage rolls.

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

 4. Drink as many milkshakes as you can. Who cares that they have 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into a milkshake-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy them. Have two. It's Christmas!

 5. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like going to a movie and not eating the popcorn.

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a kilo plate of food and that vat of milkshake.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like those Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the centre of attention. They're like a great pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Fruit mince. Even pavlova. Have three pieces of each. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Not even your birthday celebration can offer this choice.

9. And what about fruitcake? It’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, so if you skip no. 8 on this list make up for it here. Did someone mention restraint?

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention to this advice.

Remember this motto to live by:
         
 "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming  "WOO HOO what a ride!"